There’s an episode of The Simpsons where noted donut-lover Homer Simpson is fed, by machine, donut after donut into his face hole, his body plumping up with every additional sugary breakfast treat. I feel like right now St. Louis is Homer, and the machine feeding donuts, in the form of spring football, is the UFL.

Offenses in spring leagues historically get off to slow starts at the outset of the season. Week two of the UFL brought that deficiency to a new low.